If you know one of your friends likes you, and you’ve made your romantic disinterest them blatant; and you continue to hang out often because you enjoy their company, but you know that they’re holding onto the hope that you’ll eventually like them the way they like you, does that make you a bad person?
I’d say I’m asking for a friend, but I’m a horrible liar.
Things I need to remind myself of on days like today.
You can call me bitter or cynical or any other term but the truth is simple: If a man loves you, he’ll make it happen. He will not use excuses on you. He will not make you wait in the cold. He will not keep you in the dark. He will absolutely not keep you hanging by thread, make you lose your sleep, take away your energy. That’s not love, that’s not respect. That’s taking someone’s love and vulnerability for granted. And how dare he.
It breaks my heart whenever young girls come to me for relationship advice like my younger sister’s friends or my own age fellows in their mid 20’s wanting to know why he’s so emotionally distant. He might be telling you he “needs time” and has to “go on a break” but I’ve only seen men do this who lack the guts to cut it off directly. They’ll make you wait for nothing. And it breaks my heart because I end up being the one telling them the not-so-convenient truth and it hurts, naturally.
If he really wanted this, he’d make it happen. When there’s a will, there’s a way, and I live by this.
John Legend just gets it. And it’s so great to have someone come out and finally just say it: Love gets you further than cool detachment. Here are some highlights of John Legend’s Commencement Speech at UPenn (transcripts courtesy of HuffPost):
"And it turns out that love requires that level of commitment from you. Half-doing it is not doing it right. You have to go all in. And yes, your personal relationships require that too.
I know what it’s like to be all ego in your 20s. I know what it’s like to be selfish and just focus on your immediate wants and desires. I know what it’s like to protect your heart from pain and disappointment. I know what it means to be all about the rat race and winning.
But years from now, when you look back on your time here on earth, your life and your happiness will be way more defined by the quality of your relationships, not the quantity. You’ll get much more joy out of depth, not breadth. It’s about finding and keeping the best relationships possible with the people around you. It’s about immersing yourself in your friendships and your family. It’s about being there for the people you care about, and knowing that they’ll be there for you.”
"If you’re committed to loving in public, it requires that you believe in justice, that you open your eyes to injustice, that you see the world through the eyes of another. This is not a passive activity. You have to read. You have to travel to other neighborhoods, other parts of the world. You may have to get your hands dirty. You have to allow people to love you, and you have to love them back.”
"Fear is what blinds us. Fear is corrosive. Fear makes us hold back. It whispers to us, tells us that we’ll fail. It tells us that our differences are too much to overcome. Fear locks us in place. It starts fights. It causes wars.
And fear keeps us from loving. Even though we’re made to love, we’re often afraid to love. We’re afraid of being hurt deeply. Afraid of feeling the pain I went through when my parents divorced. But you’re never going to really love something or someone unless you put those fears aside. Don’t hold back. Being in love means being ready to give freely and openly, and being ready to risk something. Risking pain and disappointment, conquering your fears, and becoming anew.”
And finally at 18.04:
"Love. It’s so corny, isn’t it? It’s much cooler to be detached and apathetic, right? We all like a little snark and cynicism and irony, especially from our favorite artists and comedians and writers. I get it.
But that cool detachment only gets you so far. Passion gets you a lot further. It makes you a better entrepreneur, a better leader, a better philanthropist, a better friend, a better lover.”
NO, BUT REALLY.
I thought about it. And I realised the limit for lusting after something you cannot have does not exist.
John Mayer is perfection. The end.
Dear White Girl
when you can be killed at birth for being born with a vagina
when you are harassed and treated like a lesser being for your gender
then you can celebrate Holi
then you can rock the Bollywood ‘princess’ look at your Halloween parties
then you can wear a fucking bindi.
This popped up on my dashboard on tumblr and I’d like to take a couple of paragraphs to address it in a manner that’s more eloquent than: “No. JUST NO. All the NO in the world.”
To the OP and everyone else who’s been reposting it:
1. Shame on you.
2. You’re so far off base.
3. I’m sure you’d like to believe you’re a feminist for having posted it, but as an egalitarian, I hate to break it to you, but the post is clearly ANTI-FEMINIST.
The “white girl” that you so easily cast aside isn’t responsible for the behaviour of radical male chauvinistic bastards that’s been reinforced by centuries of being part of patriarchal society. She isn’t responsible for the gang rapes, or you feeling inferior to men. She’s not responsible for the colour of her skin or yours. She, personally, isn’t responsible for the culturally-targeted advertisements that encourage fairer skin. She’s not responsible for the way you were brought up or the way certain members of your cultural society choose to treat others. She’s not responsible for your customs or traditions. Yes, it’s possible that decades ago her ancestors raped and pillaged yours, but the white girl you’re talking about today isn’t responsible for that, either. So, STOP. JUST STOP.
It’s possible she doesn’t have the same belief system that you do, or that she was brought up with more liberties than you were afforded but that’s all circumstance. Circumstance is something you find yourself in, and not always because of your own doing. You don’t always ask for the life that you live, you either earn it or it’s handed to you, like your culture. You can’t equate race with culture, and you can’t apply the broad “white girl” label to every female of Caucasian descent.
You so easily deride the “basic white girl/WASPs/JAPs” with all their stereotypes, yet you take offence to someone says you’re doing something something stereotypical brown.
But that’s not even the worst part; the worst part is that you believe the SPIRIT of your culture is burdened by rape, by superficial things like skin colour or by being portrayed as “exotic” by the media. Fuck you. Seriously, though, fuck you. The spirit of your culture is the best part of it.
I don’t see the white girls you speak of resenting your participation in festivities during Christmas, Easter, Hannukah, Passover or even Thanksgiving. I don’t see them telling you that you can’t be part of their culture because your ancestors didn’t fight in a World War or go through the Holocaust. Fuck you for being a hypocritical bigot.
Finally, maybe I’ve just led an exceptionally blessed and privileged life where I’ve never had to face total fucking assholes, but I’ve never had anyone tell me anything other than my culture was interesting and beautiful and they’d like to learn more about it. And I’m proud of that fact. So, I’ll happily ask my mother to help my best friend wear a Sari, and I’ll gladly help her make sure the bindi on her forehead is on straight. I have absolutely no qualms about aiding anyone in participating in Holi or Diwali or any other cultural activity that they whole-heartedly want to learn more about. And I hope, someday, you’ll gain the perspective and wisdom to do the same.
An extremely frustrated (and apparently, since it all comes down to colour for you) brown girl.
This caption is going to be long but I don’t really care. After a week of giving my everything and putting myself out there, I got this in the mail today and it reminded me who and/or what good friends are. They’re the people who expect nothing in return. They’re the people who’ll send you things in the mail when you least expect it. They’re the people who make you believe that it’s ALWAYS worth being nice to other people because karma exists and what goes around really does come back around.
Everyone asks me why I keep sending mail and I love to say it’s because it’s archaic and therefore got charm, but really it’s because: 1) I don’t want it ever going out of fashion; and 2) It never fails to put a smile on the recipient’s face. I’m currently the happiest little girl there ever was and so, I just want to take this opportunity to say: be kind to one another. Do things where you expect nothing in return because it all evens out.
“At the very end of your life you’re going to sit down at the table; you’re gonna shuffle out the good and the bad and it’s all going to make perfect sense to you when you figure out that in the accounting books it comes up completely even.”
Finally, Taylor, thank you for the beautiful earrings, sweetest words and, most importantly, always being an amazing friend!